 Why we tell stories from life
What is a story?
Developing a story out loud
Building the story
Refining the story
The following suggestions reflect some of what we have learned from both telling personal stories and guiding others in their telling. They are intended to supplement the modeling and coaching we offer in our classes and workshops, where people are developing stories out loud in front of an attentive and supportive group of peers. As with any guidelines, there are exceptions to every rule.
Why we tell stories from life
Personal values:
A story can be healing for both the teller and the listeners. The stories we tell ourselves shape our lives, and those stories are often unconscious and unexamined. As we explore meaningful memories and events, we transform our lives and invite others to do the same. Storytelling allows us to integrate the experiences we tend to reject. And, as we turn those experiences into stories, we take ownership of them, re-frame them, gain perspective and, ultimately, let them go.
Telling stories exercises our true voices. Sometimes our voices have been stilled, or are small or hidden. We may have had silence imposed upon us or voluntarily silenced ourselves, or we may be simply too busy to listen. Storytelling allows us to find and free our voices - we become more fully who we are by giving voice to long-suppressed parts of ourselves.
We share a human need for creative expression. Telling stories is one of the oldest and most powerful expressions of individual and cultural creativity. Storytelling informs many of the other expressive arts, and fulfills a fundamental human need to share who we are, what we have learned, what we can imagine, and what we dream.
Community values:
Storytelling is an opportunity to create or strengthen community, enjoy each other, entertain one another and play together.
Through our stories, we connect with other people and encourage each other. As we pass along the wisdom we have gained, we, together with our listeners, acquire strength and confidence to embrace the full range of our common human experience. We celebrate our shared humanity while honoring our differences.
A story is a container for transmission of meaning and values. A universal story is one that is both accessible and compelling to a diverse group of listeners. It reinforces shared values. Storytelling, the oldest verbal art, invests our lives with meaning.
Professional values:
Storytelling is one way we bring our unique messages to the world -- what we have learned, new perspectives and solutions, our special gifts.
Beginning a talk or presentation with a brief, relevant personal story lets your audience know that you are willing to reveal yourself, flaws and all -- in short, a real person. And that allows them to trust you, to relax and to take in what you have to say.
Stories add impact to any talk or presentation. They open up our listeners. Whenever we want to inform, influence and inspire, stories will be remembered more easily than packets of information.
What is a story?
A story is not words. A story is born in your imagination and brought to life through relationship. As you speak, the story arcs toward the listeners and comes alive in their hearts and minds. Then it no longer belongs to you, but becomes a new story in each person who hears it.
Most often, a story relates an event and/or the growth or change in a character. It usually has a beginning, some internal or external tension, a release of that tension, and an end (that may point toward acceptance or resolution, though not necessarily). Talking about abstractions, ideas or opinions is not the same as telling a story.
Stories have a throughline, a theme or point that holds the elements of the story together.
Developing a story out loud
Our work is based in Speaking Circles® developed by Lee Glickstein. Developing stories out loud is a creative collaboration, a group effort; a gently attentive audience is crucial in creating a safe, supportive listening field that allows each voice to be heard.
Honor the audience. When you step in front of your audience, before you do anything else take a deep breath or two while inviting easy eye connection with a few individuals. Be with them in silence as you become fully present in the moment. Continue to receive their support as you tell your story. Transformational storytelling is grounded in relationship.
Step aside and let the story tell itself. The best technique is to just get out of the way. Pause and take time to listen to yourself, especially in the early stages of story development. Rushing to fill silence with words is often a method of self-censorship. What bubbles up at a time of silence can be the richest part of a story.
Start your story with the first words that come out of your mouth. Don't say hello. Don't tell us what you are going to tell us. Don't launch into an explanation of why you want to tell this story, or where it came from, or what you believe your audience is going to experience. Just start. Begin inside the story and immediately take your listeners to a particular time, place, situation, action or feeling. Or describe a specific sensory experience: what you see, hear, smell, touch, taste.
The truth of the story does not depend on facts. The truth of a story rests in emotional and intellectual authenticity. It is not necessary to adhere strictly to chronology, location or any other facts; and it is not necessary to include every detail. Simply share the flavor, the intensity, the nuance or impact of an event or character or experience. "Think of storytelling as painting a picture instead of taking a photograph." - Donald Davis, Storyteller/Author
Be willing to be vulnerable. That means being openhearted and dropping your mask. Let your audience see the genuine, human you, with all your flaws and fears. But remember also to show them your honest pride, love, joy and passion.
You are always a character in your story. Even if your story is not a personal one, you are still present as a narrator. This means that every story is most essentially about you.
Building the story
Let the audience in. Give them doors to enter your world. Some ideas:
- Use universal themes like childhood, relationships, work, family, turning points, transitions.
- Place your story in a recognizable physical setting.
- Place your story in a clear relationship, such as parent and child, first love, being with someone who is ill, a friendship, a life partner.
- Give specific sensory details. If your listeners can smell what you smelled, you will have engaged them on a physical level. A powerful sense impression can be enough to bring them into your story.
- Share emotions. If you express feelings that are authentic and appropriate to the story, listeners will respond immediately.
Pause. Pause. Pause. This gives the audience time to join you in the story. Silence is the punctuation that allows listeners to take in and integrate what they have just heard and to be ready for what comes next.
Respect the people in your story. It is even more effective if you love them, but respect is the minimum standard. If you judge the characters in your stories (including yourself!), the audience will not feel completely safe with you and will only enter your world part way.
Capture the feeling. Genuinely step into the emotions of the story. If it is a personal story, tell the story from the original time and place. Represent the feelings of the other characters as accurately as possible. But don't tell us how you felt - show us through key scenes, dialogue, movement, expression and gesture.
The throughline. Every story has a throughline, a main theme. Sometimes you know it right away; other times it takes a while to find. When you know what it is, make sure that each element in the story relates to the throughline. Trim out digressions, no matter how clever or interesting, and save them for another story.
The power of natural humor. Never try to be clever or glib. Do not disparage other people. The most effective humor flows out of the story, out of the natural absurdities of human experience. Humor offers instant re-framing of a point of view, a new or unexpected perspective on a situation. The funniest bits come when you are not trying.
The frozen moment. Look for charged moments in a story: an unexpected or emotional event, a revelation, poignant moment or turning point. Then stop time. Without moving the action forward, simply describe the sensory, physical and emotional details as if you were a reporter on the scene.
Painful stories. When you tell painful stories, allow the listeners their own responses - don't try to manipulate a particular reaction or tell them what to feel. If you are describing your own pain (emotional or physical), you must have sufficient distance from it to let it go in the moment. (During the story development process, however, you might need to be open to experiencing and moving through it.)
Refining the story
Review the story.
- Be concrete, specific and sensory. Cut out opinions and abstract ideas.
- Replace narration with dialogue, description and/or action.
Characters. If you have acting skills, don't be afraid to use them if you can do so and still stay present in the story and in relationship with the audience. But you can make characters come alive without being an actor. Try catching one specific gesture, a typical phrase, a tone of voice, or a particular posture that expresses the essence of that character.
Should you write your story? Every storyteller approaches this question differently at different times. Writing out the overall structure and flow of the story can be helpful. 1) Put down your opening and closing lines. 2) In between, outline the key scenes - only a sentence or phrase each. 3) List main elements of each scene in single words or brief phrases - images, sensory details, phrases you want to remember. 4) Then go back and note transitions.
Resist the temptation write out your story word for word. Written language and spoken language are surprisingly different. That said, some people do write their stories, and it works for them. If you must write your story, the best way is to transcribe a tape of a live session and edit gingerly to retain the spoken quality. There is a danger of becoming too attached to certain words, phrases or sentences, and this can work against a fresh, spontaneous telling.
Should you memorize? Again, each storyteller answers this in his or her own way. It is helpful to commit the opening sentence and the ending to memory. In between, depend on recall rather than memory. You may also memorize transitions if it helps you to follow the structure. But you do not want to sound like you are reading from a script. If you are delivering memorized lines it is easy to sound stilted, and can be disastrous if you lose your place. (Remember, a story is not words!)
Should you rehearse? Yes. You may resist retelling a story because it doesn't feel as spontaneous as the first telling (it's not). Paradoxically, however, you eventually regain even more spontaneity through rehearsal! This is because you know the flow - where to start, how to proceed and where you are going to end. You do not have to search for what comes next - you can be fully present in the story, more able to relate to the audience, and available to respond to something new that may arise in the moment.
A suggested process for embodying your story:
- Record your story on audio or video tape. Listen or watch frequently.
- Update the tape as you develop and polish your story.
- Learn your opening and closing and the overall flow of the story.
- Practice as often as possible in front of supportive listeners.
- Tell yourself the whole story, mentally or out loud, once every day.
- Now and then, just give it a rest and let the story settle.
Finally, trust your story, trust your audience, and trust in the power of storytelling.
© 2006, Jo Anne Smith. All rights reserved.
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